you were running blindly
the scenery was blurred with your tears
everything was a mess.
you didn't mean to be so complicated
filled to the brim with problems
requiring people to look Underneath the underneath
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Is it happiness when you say
I REGRET NOTHING
I'M GONNA DO ANY DAMN THING I WANT
Had an INCEPTION dream
Dreamt I was dreaming and woke up from the dream --while also realizing I was in a dream
But I was still dreaming @_@
__
Need to take better care of mental and physical self to be able to work, play, anything V_V
Compartmentalizing: putting your thoughts or feelings into a separate compartment in your mind so that you can focus on what needs to be done in the present moment
Sometimes it's just as simple as saying this is what's going to happen, and this is why I'm not going to let it happen
I REGRET NOTHING
I'M GONNA DO ANY DAMN THING I WANT
Had an INCEPTION dream
Dreamt I was dreaming and woke up from the dream --while also realizing I was in a dream
But I was still dreaming @_@
__
Need to take better care of mental and physical self to be able to work, play, anything V_V
Compartmentalizing: putting your thoughts or feelings into a separate compartment in your mind so that you can focus on what needs to be done in the present moment
Sometimes it's just as simple as saying this is what's going to happen, and this is why I'm not going to let it happen
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
"I REGRET NOTHING!
Sometimes, you don't know how draining your ways of living are--the way you sit, the things you do, the things you eat, the things you think about, the constant frown on your face---and the world is different...better--once you break out of it--open your eyes and feel the difference
It's all about hitting that mental switch
"I just want to hear it from you. Facing up to your own problems is the first step towards moving past them. "
___
He worked hard, harder than anyone else in that damn company.
Finally, it all paid off--all those blood, sweat and tears were finally paying off
His dream was coming true--he had become a singer--just like he always wanted
Where was he supposed to go from here? Is this the end? What do you do when you've reached your dream?
He decided to move onto another goal--become the company president.
Now where is he left?
As he stands there watching below--at those who are working hard to accomplish their dreams.
Now--it's time for him to help others realize and reach their dreams..
**try out that hanger and pliers trick to create a book stand/supporter
It's all about hitting that mental switch
"I just want to hear it from you. Facing up to your own problems is the first step towards moving past them. "
___
He worked hard, harder than anyone else in that damn company.
Finally, it all paid off--all those blood, sweat and tears were finally paying off
His dream was coming true--he had become a singer--just like he always wanted
Where was he supposed to go from here? Is this the end? What do you do when you've reached your dream?
He decided to move onto another goal--become the company president.
Now where is he left?
As he stands there watching below--at those who are working hard to accomplish their dreams.
Now--it's time for him to help others realize and reach their dreams..
**try out that hanger and pliers trick to create a book stand/supporter
Monday, February 21, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Reminded of last night's conversations with Elizabeth
Listen and apply
I didn't understand
I kept crying
You told me that I don't have to cry
I said I couldn't help it
And once again, you tell me that I still don't have to cry
I didn't understand you at first
Because it wasn't like I wanted to cry
But now I get it
I kept crying and crying
Every damn time the going gets tough
But I don't have to cry
It's nothing to cry over.
you are strong
don't be weak
be confident
sitting there and crying about the same things? that's being lazy. go change
Listen and apply
I didn't understand
I kept crying
You told me that I don't have to cry
I said I couldn't help it
And once again, you tell me that I still don't have to cry
I didn't understand you at first
Because it wasn't like I wanted to cry
But now I get it
I kept crying and crying
Every damn time the going gets tough
But I don't have to cry
It's nothing to cry over.
you are strong
don't be weak
be confident
sitting there and crying about the same things? that's being lazy. go change
Friday, February 18, 2011
Free to pursue my faith
-Gospel songs are beautiful. It's interesting listening to them in not just English, but Korean, Japanese, and Chinese, and Cantonese as well. Each language resonates differently in me.
-Elizabeth thinks I should study to be a translator/interpreter.
I'm waiting for something bad to happen, which just scares me and makes me unhappy and fearful for the worst.
While dad was on the computer, I watched "Kitchen Nightmares" and there was this man who suffered for 16 years losing his pride and confidence because of his failing business and constant scoldings and blame from his father in law. Chef Ramsey went to their house to discuss a few issues and noticed a picture of the man named Mitch. In the photograph, Mitch looked completely different. His eyes glowed with life and strength and now he has deep dark bags under his dull eyes. His wife said that he wasn't the same person anymore. This made me wonder about how I change and how people change for the worst, and if there is a way to really go back.--You might be able to revert back to the person you once were, but never again will you be completely the same again. Who is to say that the person you are now is worse than the person before though? It could simply be just, "different".
cocorico creates a legend is such a great Japanese food journey show!
Japanese Dramas: "HAMMER SESSION!" and "Rebound"
Then I switched to a Korean Worship channel and a female gospel singer was singing. It was so beautiful and touching. After that, I searched many different gospel songs in various languages. For some reason, I love listening to Japanese and Korean gospel songs the most. I feel really connected to it. I just e-mailed Elizabeth asking her about religion. Listening to these gospel songs makes me feel strengthened and at peace; however, I once said that I didn't really believe in God because there is no rational/justified/reasonable solid evidence that can be presented to me in order to prove that he truly exists. How can I feel so connected and empowered to these songs that are sung directly for God and created all around him? Does that mean that I believe in God then? Or I just believe in a higher power? They sing about God and I feel myself believing because of how I feel so at peace. There have been so many negative things that happened lately more than usually, and these songs really reached me. I felt much better, but now I am just confused and curious about what this really means.
The constant bombardment of scoldings and questions
Are you playing instead of working?
They constantly question your activities.
All they do is take glimpses into your life
Assuming that what they see is what they get
As though there is nothing much deeper
Such a superficial perspective
And you sit there saying nothing
Simply accepting everything
While they go on thinking they've done their part
That's right, they've done their parenting
A scolding here and there
A glance at you a few times a day shall suffice
According to them, that is success
You sit there doing an activity that doesn't concern school
And they think you are wasting time
True true, the time is ticking by
But they don't know that you aren't even enjoying it
That you are doing this just because you want to escape reality
Even for a little bit
A short escape away from the world that straps you down
And demands everything that you can give and more
They've got you
Even when you try to escape
Reality never relinquishes its hold on you
It cloaks around your body
And each day you wake up and go through the day with the heavy feelings
And go to bed each night as it lingers in your dreams
Are you playing instead of working?
They constantly question your activities.
All they do is take glimpses into your life
Assuming that what they see is what they get
As though there is nothing much deeper
Such a superficial perspective
And you sit there saying nothing
Simply accepting everything
While they go on thinking they've done their part
That's right, they've done their parenting
A scolding here and there
A glance at you a few times a day shall suffice
According to them, that is success
You sit there doing an activity that doesn't concern school
And they think you are wasting time
True true, the time is ticking by
But they don't know that you aren't even enjoying it
That you are doing this just because you want to escape reality
Even for a little bit
A short escape away from the world that straps you down
And demands everything that you can give and more
They've got you
Even when you try to escape
Reality never relinquishes its hold on you
It cloaks around your body
And each day you wake up and go through the day with the heavy feelings
And go to bed each night as it lingers in your dreams
That was a dangerous thing to do
Putting your heart on the line like that
Those people only know how to break you down
Yet you gave them a chance
And risked something irreplaceable
You've pulled back too late
The damage can't be undone
You should've listened to me
I told you to never give them a chance
It was too late
I couldn't save you
Putting your heart on the line like that
Those people only know how to break you down
Yet you gave them a chance
And risked something irreplaceable
You've pulled back too late
The damage can't be undone
You should've listened to me
I told you to never give them a chance
It was too late
I couldn't save you
Set me Free
Fear Fear Fear
Frozen in fear
It's got you wound up so tight
Nothing seems to be all right
Suffocating, mind-numbing
You're all choked up
Waiting to be freed
But for the time being
you shut down and wait
Tell me why you wait
If you want to be free
Are you waiting for the fear to come alive
It's worse than anything that you could imagine.
If only you could run
If only you weren't trapped
You could go far far away from here
To a place where the fear couldn't find you
Frozen in fear
It's got you wound up so tight
Nothing seems to be all right
Suffocating, mind-numbing
You're all choked up
Waiting to be freed
But for the time being
you shut down and wait
Tell me why you wait
If you want to be free
Are you waiting for the fear to come alive
It's worse than anything that you could imagine.
If only you could run
If only you weren't trapped
You could go far far away from here
To a place where the fear couldn't find you
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Everything just seems so very wrong right now. It's a painful mix of feelings. As Alex said, I have too many emotions. I love that quality only when I get 10x happier than the average person would over something, but when the times are rough---it is too much.
I'm still not over Chris and Ellen leaving. It hurts a lot just thinking about it. I've had friends leave me before, but this is different. They are on the other side of the world. I've don't know if I have ever become so close to someone in just a week. It feels as though I've lost one of my closest friends. Why didn't it ever hurt this much before? It's weird. I can't explain. It just feels like a bond that I can't recreate with anyone else. There is this empty feeling.
--to be continued
Feelings: sad, hopeless, scared, stupid
When you act like everything is all right, but your true feelings cloak your body and you can't help but feel it lingering all the time.
I'm still not over Chris and Ellen leaving. It hurts a lot just thinking about it. I've had friends leave me before, but this is different. They are on the other side of the world. I've don't know if I have ever become so close to someone in just a week. It feels as though I've lost one of my closest friends. Why didn't it ever hurt this much before? It's weird. I can't explain. It just feels like a bond that I can't recreate with anyone else. There is this empty feeling.
--to be continued
Feelings: sad, hopeless, scared, stupid
When you act like everything is all right, but your true feelings cloak your body and you can't help but feel it lingering all the time.
I'm slowly breaking down.
I'm not all right.
I'm not all right
You chant and chant and chant
They tell you it is going to be okay
They think they know what is wrong
They think they have you all figured out
But you are far from it
They don't know a single thing about what is really happening
Not a single one of them
What did they expect?
Were you supposed to tell them?
Did they really expect you to tell them?
They've left--thinking that they have helped you
Because they've got you all figured out right?
But you're still there
trapped, broken, and scared.
They've managed to fix their illusion of you.
That's all.
That's it.
You can't save yourself.
So you sit and wait
all the while chanting, screaming, and sobbing
within your mind
"I'm not alright."
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
It just seemed like a dream.
They were in my life one second and gone the next.
You can never believe everything that has happened once you reach the end.
Everything just seems to slip from your fingers
barely brushing across your skin
in your loose grasp
And you are left wondering how to hold onto the little that is left.
-Talk about more of the positive than negative when possible
-hope, expect, and know that if today was not a good day..a happy day in the future still awaits
-I was doing so well, habits are creeping back during state of weakness.
-purchase big earphones, webcam, cell w/internet..
They were in my life one second and gone the next.
You can never believe everything that has happened once you reach the end.
Everything just seems to slip from your fingers
barely brushing across your skin
in your loose grasp
And you are left wondering how to hold onto the little that is left.
-Talk about more of the positive than negative when possible
-hope, expect, and know that if today was not a good day..a happy day in the future still awaits
-I was doing so well, habits are creeping back during state of weakness.
-purchase big earphones, webcam, cell w/internet..
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
-Need to update about life
-Currently:
There are many things that are sucking. I usually keep it all in which results in me acting like a baby. But I have something against those who always complain all the time about the same thing or as though they have the worst life in the world all the damn time. Once I crack, I'll probably end up being self-absorbed and complaining about it. What I dislike the most about what others do is something that I dislike from myself.
No, I don't want to go back to spending hours and hours on the computer alone and wasting my life away.
Why did the world have to remind me once again how to comprehend the value of a week, a day, an hour, a minute, a second, and a millisecond?
Reminders of the little time that I have, before everything leaves me. The idea of "time running out". The feeling of never seeing someone again. Five minutes left. Four, three, five seconds--before I knew it, they were gone.
You sit there in front of that damn computer all day long
windows on the screen open and close
words scatter across
and your mind is lost
As the next mindless program loads
the screen goes dark in the midst of loading
and tired dark haunted eyes mindlessly stare back at you
the window is done loading
you no longer see your grim and lost soul
as you are distracted by a new picture, post, message, or website.
lost again in that tiring spiral
where you no longer know the world around you
and that's exactly what you want
why would you want to be aware of a world
that makes your eyes so dark?
and your heart so sad?
but every time a program loads
and the screen turns dark in the midst of loading
for that one millisecond
you are reminded of who you are
and the miserable life that you lead
the next distraction has finally loaded on the screen
before you could see your tears
that cry for all of your lost years
-Currently:
There are many things that are sucking. I usually keep it all in which results in me acting like a baby. But I have something against those who always complain all the time about the same thing or as though they have the worst life in the world all the damn time. Once I crack, I'll probably end up being self-absorbed and complaining about it. What I dislike the most about what others do is something that I dislike from myself.
No, I don't want to go back to spending hours and hours on the computer alone and wasting my life away.
Why did the world have to remind me once again how to comprehend the value of a week, a day, an hour, a minute, a second, and a millisecond?
Reminders of the little time that I have, before everything leaves me. The idea of "time running out". The feeling of never seeing someone again. Five minutes left. Four, three, five seconds--before I knew it, they were gone.
You sit there in front of that damn computer all day long
windows on the screen open and close
words scatter across
and your mind is lost
As the next mindless program loads
the screen goes dark in the midst of loading
and tired dark haunted eyes mindlessly stare back at you
the window is done loading
you no longer see your grim and lost soul
as you are distracted by a new picture, post, message, or website.
lost again in that tiring spiral
where you no longer know the world around you
and that's exactly what you want
why would you want to be aware of a world
that makes your eyes so dark?
and your heart so sad?
but every time a program loads
and the screen turns dark in the midst of loading
for that one millisecond
you are reminded of who you are
and the miserable life that you lead
the next distraction has finally loaded on the screen
before you could see your tears
that cry for all of your lost years
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
"I've made a lot of mistakes, but I don't regret them.
They are what make me, me. "Super Junior’s Eunhyuk exposes a betrayal from his ‘best friend’ Xiah.
On the 23, in the Chuseok special of MBC’s ‘Radio Star – Super Show’ (MC Kim Gukjin, Yoon Jong Shin, Kim Gura) Eunhyuk said, “I believe in not drinking.”
Eunhyuk also said, “I have never drank a drop of alcohol”, drawing questions from the others. Eunhyuk stated, “Xiah and I decided not to drink alcohol, but Xiah broke his promise.”
Also present in ‘Radio Star – Super Show’ were Super Junior’s Eeteuk, Donghae, Shindong, Eunhyuk, Kyuhyun, Sungmin and Ryeowook.
Source: Newsen
Shared by: xinlady@sj-world.net
Translated by: ミ mholic ★@sj-world.net
http://www.dkpopnews.net/2010/09/news-eunhyuk-angrily-reveals-xiah.html
-Jo kwon 99% JYP Audition -1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZne2cwxyx4&feature=related
-
Brown Eyes - Already One Year
-
Lee Eun Mi "I have a lover"
jo kwon ga in
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