Free to pursue my faith

-Gospel songs are beautiful. It's interesting listening to them in not just English, but Korean, Japanese, and Chinese, and Cantonese as well. Each language resonates differently in me.
-Elizabeth thinks I should study to be a translator/interpreter.

I'm waiting for something bad to happen, which just scares me and makes me unhappy and fearful for the worst.

While dad was on the computer, I watched "Kitchen Nightmares" and there was this man who suffered for 16 years losing his pride and confidence because of his failing business and constant scoldings and blame from his father in law. Chef Ramsey went to their house to discuss a few issues and noticed a picture of the man named Mitch. In the photograph, Mitch looked completely different. His eyes glowed with life and strength and now he has deep dark bags under his dull eyes. His wife said that he wasn't the same person anymore. This made me wonder about how I change and how people change for the worst, and if there is a way to really go back.--You might be able to revert back to the person you once were, but never again will you be completely the same again. Who is to say that the person you are now is worse than the person before though? It could simply be just, "different".

cocorico creates a legend is such a great Japanese food journey show!
Japanese Dramas: "HAMMER SESSION!" and "Rebound"

Then I switched to a Korean Worship channel and a female gospel singer was singing. It was so beautiful and touching. After that, I searched many different gospel songs in various languages. For some reason, I love listening to Japanese and Korean gospel songs the most. I feel really connected to it. I just e-mailed Elizabeth asking her about religion. Listening to these gospel songs makes me feel strengthened and at peace; however, I once said that I didn't really believe in  God because there is no rational/justified/reasonable solid evidence that can be presented to me in order to prove that he truly exists. How can I feel so connected and empowered to these songs that are sung directly for God and created all around him? Does that mean that I believe in God then? Or I just believe in a  higher power? They sing about God and I feel myself believing because of how I feel so at peace. There have been so many negative things that happened lately more than usually, and these songs really reached me. I felt much better, but now I am just confused and curious about what this really means.